http://blog.runboard.com/ladyspace78/| Still... | September 20, 2009, 4:36 am GMT |
| I miss him so much tonite...I have done so much crying this weekend, especially after I sent him the email. I feel like 1/2 of me is missing, I miss "my" Mike... What do I do to make this go away? I am so tired of missing him and hurting. The mask fits well here, I can put it on daily to face work, but when I come home and have time to think, that's when it hits. It seems like there is a giant hole inside of me that is threatening to swallow me if it's not filled, but I don't know how to fill it.
I go in spells, sometimes, I feel like I can "leap over tall buildings in a single bound" (LoL), but this weekend has been very rough. I don't think "my" Mike will ever be back, he has moved on, changed, died, I don't know. But I know he wouldn't ever hurt me like this. There are still times when I feel "it", the connection we share. I know he's thinking about me and I revel in what it makes me feel. Then, almost as quickly, I think, "he's still not 'my' Mike and still not willing to let 'her' go". God help me, I can't go on like this... | |
| Letting go | September 19, 2009, 8:59 pm GMT |
| It has been almost 3 years since he left me. Things were rocky in the marriage and he'd left once before. I always thought we could overcome anything. But I didn't know the extent of his relationship with "her". We've tried many times to work things out, but he will not let "her" go. So why do I still love him? After everything he's done to me, I still do. And if he came to me today and told me what he'd be willing to do, I'm afraid I wouldn't have the will power to say "no". Letting go is so hard, I know he still loves me. We still have our connection that I am working hard on letting go of. I have prayed to God many times and have gotten the strength I need...I just wish I didn't love him. I thought I'd found my soulmate, my happily ever after. And I want what we had, I want that so much it causes me physical pain at times. When we were at our best, we were untouchable, on top of the world -that's the man I want. But he is no longer that man, the man I fell in love with would never put me through this...God help me, I still love him... | |
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