| the choking and the gasping | May 7, 2008, 4:07 am GMT |
| i'm plagued with thoughts of our demise. |
| nothing nice to say | May 5, 2008, 4:12 am GMT |
http://www.mitchclem.com/nothingnice/
punk comics! |
| girls are vile creatures | April 30, 2008, 10:42 pm GMT |
so i've been having these internal issues with a girl named ashley. she's been dating joseph since around january, i guess. anyways, she isn't all that nice to me. she told her mother that i had an std which is not true at all, and her mother goes and tells the man that i am seeing about the supposed std. she hangs around with people and tells them that i'm dirty. the girl barely even knows me. what gives her the right?
surely i'm none too happy about this, but what am i supposed to do about it? i'm not the one being so nasty. she dating MY joe. you think that would be enough instead of her spreading around rumors. she has to make it WORSE for me.
i'm more upset than i am angry. |
| new friends? | April 26, 2008, 11:42 pm GMT |
i have no friends on msn messenger. will you guys be my friend, please? for a good time just add lettuceout@live.com... seriously! i'm entertaining and shit!
(everything sounds dirtier when preceded by "for a good time") |
| strung out, hung over | April 20, 2008, 8:11 pm GMT |
next month i'll be in nebraska with brian for a few weeks. i'm so freaking excited.
anyways i'm updating so i can show off a few pictures of earthfest and the 280 boogie. the cops showed up at earthfest. that was not so cool; i had to pour my drink out. ): 280 was sweet, though. i met a lot of people and saw a lot of familiar faces. shea went nuts, as expected. ted and i lost her by the end of night. the last i saw of her she was with that creep erik. 33 and hitting on 17 year old girls. no.
I HAD FUN THOUGH. WOOT. the music was bangin'.
here we go; hermatavore - earthfest 2008
tree! - 280 boogie 2008
iron on sewer - 280 boogie
ted - 280 boogie
i met adams father, also. he is a bad motherfucker. adam is shea's boyfriend. how does he stand her? not a clue in the slightest. anyways, kevin was really cool.
here's a picture of sheabes and i; she really is a crazy badass. :D
i wish i'd taken more pictures of all the bands and stuff. oh well, there is always next year.
me and ted have just barely skimmed on the topic of our realationship. i'm no longer worried about it. i like his crazy ass, and he's fond of mine. that's all i need. |
| trying to make the most of it all | April 2, 2008, 12:23 am GMT |
i play the sims 2. dork. this site is for my future reference.
http://sims2.simcredibledesigns.com/dl/htmlsobj/kitchen6.html
i only have happy things to blog about which is boring. i'll log in some drama some other time. see you guys soon.
also; MYSPACE.COM/HITLASPANTIES
add this because they're trolling the forums on ts2.com and i find them HILARIOUS. |
| every single one of us fed the ground | March 24, 2008, 4:59 am GMT |
don't have much time update anymore. work and work and work and sleepwalk.
i continue to dwell on the past. it's getting to me. all i can think of is how much i HATE it, really. but to hate is to love, i can't deny that. and that worries me because surely i'd have fallen out of love and into a kind of nothingness, but it's only progressed into this unnecessary resentment and anger.
sometimes i wish things would have worked out differently.
brian moved to nebraska. nebraska. the hell?
i haven't had a relationship since j. not really. i've been used a lot. hell, i've used others. sex is cheap, you know. it's just a lay. a lonely lay. lay lie low lovers livers loving.
e-eye moved to montgomery, only an hour away. better than fucking NEBRASKA, brian. though i still rarely see her. she spent the week with me for my birthday last week which was lovely. we'll be moving in together within the next 6 months. so woo.
i'm not even going to go into the situation with this silly girl named shea. we've been friends on and off for quite a few years, but she's kind of unstable. okay, the girl is REALLY unstable. just know, terra, when you come back to this little online thought processor, that she's a crazy bitch. and your best bet, terra, is to refrain from chilling with this crazy bitch for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. don't get pulled into the drama she creates. alright? alright. |
| apologies | January 18, 2008, 5:32 pm GMT |
| i never want to hear someone say "sorry" to me again. especially when you are clearly not too remorseful. |
| let it all drop | January 12, 2008, 4:49 am GMT |
drunk. so i'm trying to get his job at pita pit, right? i don't think chel lady wants to hire me though. tough luck for me though, right.
i'm still into b. though, i'm seeing rodney now. sort of. maybe. i guess. haven't seen him/heard from him in a few days. at first i thought it might be something serious. now, however, i may have just been used as a replacement to his fallen grace. it was nice for the 4 days it lasted, i must say. and you never know, i may just be over thinking everything like a usually do and he'll show up on my door step tomorrow morning. doubt it (pesimistic).
AZ in may. sweet. the road trip i always (dreaded) dreamed of. i'll finally meet johnny. i'll see bethanyrose again after 6 years. see b. meet some new friends and all. possibly we'll make it to CA, too, to see ken!
i can't wait! (:
right right right?
i thought maybe i was coming out of the hole i had so graciously fallen into, but it seems, i'm afraid, i may just be digging this hole a few feet deeper. i must sound depressed. i must sound in despair.
i am really just fond of sad words. |
| the future you have tomorrow won't be the same future you had yesterday | December 21, 2007, 3:39 pm GMT |
once again, i am no longer on speaking terms with joe. however, that's because he's dating this young girl i used to be friends with ever so long ago. and he was sleeping around with me not even a day before they put a "label" on that relationship. so, fuck that.
e-eye moved to montgomery. that's rather depressing.
me and mccartney reconciled our differences so i am not entirely without friends. she's got something crazy in her head, but then i've always known that. i can deal with it better now that i'm older and not just get pissed everytime she has a freak-out episode. we all have problems.
now i should vent about e and how he's 15 years older than i am. he's been a fucking creep that last couple weeks and i'm sick of him. everytime we have a drink he gets so touchy-feely. when we're in the car he won't pay attention to the road because he's too busy looking at me and trying to kiss me and rub his hands on me and it's fucking pathetic, not to mention annoying as hell. now yesterday he did a favor for mccartney, and he did the same fucking thing to her. all, "i love you baby"'s and "i have some lingerie i want to try on for me"'s.
so i'm done with e. he needs to go find a lady his own age and stopping hitting on girls who can't even buy their own booze yet. god.
early tomorrow morning my family and i are driving up to michigan. last time we did this it ended up being a 20 hour drive. obviously, i am so excited to do this again. it'll give me plenty of time to recooperate after the fiasco this week was.
merry christmas everyone! |
| some velvet morning | November 10, 2007, 5:44 pm GMT |
i wake up cold and naked in some foreign bedroom to hear the roar of argument in the next room. the sun hasn't even rose yet. when i recognize where i am and pull the sheets closer; it's just another morning that happens every morning in the morning before the light.
i must stop getting so trashed at his place, it seems. |
| breakfast for 2 | November 6, 2007, 5:45 pm GMT |
| today i made omelettes and bacon and hashbrowns and i fed a joe. i am going to start doing nice things for people. |
| i lost my camera, i feel kind of... empty! D: | November 4, 2007, 12:57 am GMT |
distance? i'm inspired by destruction. i have too many issues to work through with no one's help. not to make complaints or anything. i just kind of want someone around. not a one-night-stand and not any san diego bullshit. but the san diego bullshit will all be avoided. sure, he'll make progress with that recovering meth head. he seemed rather fond of her when we spoke. it'd fit into the rest of the wreckage that is my life so very nicely.
on the other hand, this is hardly a big deal. i only like him because he's consistent and intelligent and witty and successful and the beard and the good looks.
no big deal no big deal no big deal.
e-eye and c rekindled their little fling and now it's turned into something serious. yay for them or whatever. i now have a loooot of free time on my hands. no big deal.
you were talking soda pop
you taked it quite a lot
the opinions that i do not give
are the opinions i ain't got |
| you want yellowtail? yeah, i could go for some yellowtail | October 25, 2007, 5:57 pm GMT |
last night i believe i finally got closure on all the bull that joe and i went through. and it feels really good.
i also lost that unnatural attachment i had to stay. i'm very apathetic towards it, actually. i really just don't care about anything she's doing or saying or leaving or eating enough or anything. i just don't. all the feeling i had is gone and i'm never going to let it come back.
anyways, c ruined anything he could have had with e-eye by calling me speaking of love and old memories that will never repeat themselves. and i never told her about what he said because i wanted them to be something. i wanted her to be happy. anyways; he hasn't called her since he made that phonecall to me. though he called the house a few times when i was out of town. i have no desire to hear his voice.
i took new pictures! look! it is fall!
 |
| not fond of poets | October 10, 2007, 5:40 pm GMT |
you're okay, we drive this route everyday
my absent brother often writes to me
he tells me i am marvelous when we
seek out wisdom
yet we leave with only more pronounced blindness
my dreamy
my vague
my brother, he tells me he loves me so
that nonexistent lover i am desparate to have
take no thought in the morrow
my fancied brother has no place
in this unnatural romance
(i don't have a brother! i am not gross!) |
| internet perverts flock to me, do they to you? | October 8, 2007, 10:08 pm GMT |
i guess i'd rather complain to the internet and many faceless people than to someone who could actually help me.
e-eye is sleeping with chanc. i think i'm okay with it. the more i think about it, i am fine with it. she seems to like him a whole lot. maybe i am just worried for her? maybe i don't want her to end up feeling the way i now feel about him now. annoyance, hate, betrayal. i think this is good for him because he stuck to me for so long and for so long i didn't want it.
e-eye also just got my old job.
i have gained 20 pounds. i have lost e-eye to a man who does not deserve her in my eyes. i can't have a drink or two or ten because of the meds i am taking. i am so lonely and i have fucked up my life so bad i don't know how to turn it around. i still have to clean this filthy house and somehow i've got to get arizona to be with brian by march.
i am so overwhelmed by complete bullshit and i can't even talk to anyone about it for the only friend i have is e-eye.
i want to move on in my life, my mind is just stuck in the past when i was happier. stay was around, joe was not such a dick to me, germs and i would make up lies and see how long we could keep the going (i was born in moscow, BTW). the woods were exciting and taking drugs were fun.
i'm so bored. |
| goodmorrow to thee | September 14, 2007, 12:42 am GMT |
| i elaborated about stealing a ups truck when we were sitting in front of hastings in the parking lot. it was a very intense conversation with e-eye. don't do drugs, loves. |
| k& j | September 9, 2007, 5:34 am GMT |
there are times when you are betrayed &you think you can never ever forgive the one who made the mistake. this has never been a problem for me. but k can just be so difficult. &he can be so mean &unhappy &unthoughtful &i hate him for it so much.
he is my friend, but so is johnny.
gahangerblah! |
| i speak in my sleep, justin snores | August 23, 2007, 12:04 am GMT |
so in the supermarket, i became distracted by a jar of marmalade. the little orange strands in it suddenly looked rather like fish to me, and i tilted the jar of marmalade towards the light, thinking 'the fish would need special jelly-absorbing gills' when it occurred to me that nobody who thinks about fish living in marmalade will ever turn out to be a secret genius.
...it was a blow to me, i will confess. but i'm recovering.
|
| back off, philistine | August 19, 2007, 2:00 am GMT |
i did finally see s once again. it will be months before it happens again and for once i am comfortable with this fact. never mind the fact that i was too intoxicated to hold a decent conversation with her...
we had coffee, i actually put on a pair of shoes, and forced my writing upon her.
i'm going to be updating more frequently after tonight, i think.
this is where i'll slide in my contact info. :D
art page; http://danielcowman.deviantart.com
myspace; http://www.myspace.com/kinker0o
aim; terrra bellows
yahoo!; danielcocaine |